It’s a frequent assumption that men aren’t interested in discussing their health. That could explain why some women assume men are unconcerned about their health. However, it’s possible that most men don’t discuss their health since they don’t know how to listen to one another.
Concerning your listening abilities, how would you grade yourself?
Communication is more crucial than ever in today’s high-tech, high-speed, high-stress society, but we seem to spend less and less time genuinely listening to one another. Genuine listening has become a precious commodity—a gift of time. It aids in the development of relationships, the resolution of difficulties, the assurance of understanding, the resolution of conflicts, and the improvement of accuracy.
Effective listening results in fewer errors and less lost time at work. It aids in the development of resourceful, self-reliant children who can solve their own difficulties at home. Friendships and careers are strengthened by listening. It helps to save both money and marriages.
Here are seven suggestions to help you improve your listening abilities.
1. Examine your motivation
So the first step is to listen without making any assumptions. And when you do speak, be honest with yourself about what drives you to say what you’re about to say. W.A.I.T. stands for “Why Am I Talking?” and is a good acronym to remember when speaking with someone.
That isn’t to say you shouldn’t participate in the discussion. It’s just a nice reminder to be conscious of why you’re communicating in the first place. Is it for the benefit of the other person, to demonstrate that you understand what they’re saying because you may have had a similar experience? Is there a subtext here that you need to brag a little? It’s especially important for anyone in a management or leadership position to remember this guideline, because whatever you say can quickly overwhelm a conversation and force people to shut down. But it holds true for everyone.
2. Make a welcoming environment and provide an opportunity for a conversation.
Offer someone an opportunity to talk if you sense they are in need and trying to open up. Invite them to join you for a drink. Offer to grab a bite to eat. Attend a baseball game. By offering, you’ve made yourself ready to listen if they want to talk, and by choosing a calm setting, the conversation will be less rushed and stressful.
And, most crucially, take use of the opportunity to speak after you’ve offered it.
3. Maintain eye contact with the speaker
It’s like trying to hit a moving target while talking to someone who is scanning the room, studying a computer screen, or gazing out the window. How much of the other person’s divided attention do you get? Fifty percent of the time? 5% of the total? “Look at me when I’m talking to you,” you could insist if the person were your child, but that’s not something we say to a lover, friend, or coworker.
Eye contact is considered a basic aspect of effective communication in most cultures. We communicate by looking one other in the eyes. That isn’t to say you can’t have a conversation from across the room or from another room; nevertheless, if the conversation goes on for too long, you (or the other person) will get up and move. You get together because you want to improve your communication.
Make the courteous gesture of turning to face your conversing partners. Remove all papers, books, phones, and other potential distractions. Even if they don’t look at you, gaze at them. Under certain circumstances, shyness, uncertainty, shame, guilt, or other emotions, as well as cultural taboos, can prevent some people from making eye contact. Please excuse the other guy, but you must maintain your attention.
4. Accept silences
Silence might be uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be. We often try to fill the void left by silence by talking, but this just serves to keep the conversation from progressing any farther or more meaningfully.
People can think and acquire instigation regarding whatever is being talked about while there are silences. It allows us to process new information and assess how it affects us. It also allows us to think about what to say next and what questions to ask. It gives us the ability to feel and be vulnerable.
5. Be alert but relaxed
Relax now that you’ve made eye contact. You don’t have to lock your gaze on the other person. You can look away now and then and go about your business as usual. What matters is that you pay attention. To “attend” another person, according to the definition, means to:
Be present
Give attention
Apply or direct yourself
Pay attention
Distracting factors such as background noise and activity should be mentally blocked out. Additionally, avoid focusing too much on the speaker’s accent or speaking habits, as they might become distracting. Finally, don’t let your personal thoughts, feelings, or biases get in the way.
6. Maintain an open mind
Listen without passing judgment on the other person or mentally critiquing what she says. If what she says makes you uncomfortable, feel free to be frightened, but don’t think to yourself, “Well, that was a bad move.” You’ve undermined your usefulness as a listener as soon as you engage in judgmental musings.
Listen without making judgments. Keep in mind that the speaker is using words to express her inner ideas and feelings. You have no idea what those sentiments and thoughts are, and the only way to find out is to listen.